Once upon a time, there was a person who ignited something within me.
I’m not referring to a physical attraction (although, yes, that too); our interactions sparked a surge of energy, prompting me to delve into deep thoughts, conversations, and restless nights filled with creative outpourings.
Our relationship was off-limits, which made these bursts of inspiration inconvenient, uncomfortable, and even distressing at times. Yet, amidst it all, I felt a sense of happiness.
Even now, I struggle to categorize this indescribable feeling. It seems too simplistic to attribute it to mere chemical reactions, especially considering that he had the same effect on me during phone conversations.
Can chemistry transcend physical presence?
Our interactions were sporadic, mostly because I grappled with understanding our dynamic and sought to force it into a mold.
I was determined to preserve whatever it was between us.
Yet, I also attempted to suppress, control, and deny it, especially to myself.
However, each time I managed to quell the intensity, he would reappear, seemingly intentionally.
And with his return, whether through a text or a call, that sensation of being switched on would surge back, overwhelming yet exhilarating.
It was terrifying.
It was extraordinary.
What he taught me all those years ago is that despite the fear and emotional upheaval, this is how I want to experience life.
Despite the risks and vulnerabilities, I crave more of that electrifying feeling, rather than less.
I’m willing to endure every anguish and agony to keep my heart open.
I refuse to be cautious, logical, or guarded. I have no interest in dissecting my fears.
What I desire is to live in a state of inspiration.
