Because not every feeling has a word.
Because I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.
Because what I feel makes no sense.
Because what I feel is contradictory.
Because I shouldn’t be feeling this.
Because I am the only one who has ever felt this way.
Because I am afraid.
Because I don’t trust you.
Because I want you to know how I feel without having to tell you.
Because if I tell you how I feel you might think less of me.
Because, what for, if it never helps?
Because I don’t deserve getting what I need.
Because you might stop loving me.
Because you might not like me.
Because it would make me feel exposed.
Because you would think I’m weak.
Because I don’t want to fight.
Because I don’t want to get hurt.
Because I don’t want to hurt you.
Because I’d end up alone.
This question has plagued me for some time, leading me to wonder if there’s something inherently wrong with me for not forming meaningful or intermittent connections.
Over time, I’ve come to accept this aspect of myself. I refuse to be confined to one mindset or way of life simply because it’s the norm. I’d rather maintain my individuality and embrace change than conform to societal expectations.
It brings to mind the lyrics of a Cranberries song: “Everybody else is doing it, so why don’t we.” But I’ve never been one to follow the crowd blindly. Instead, I prefer to question the status quo and think for myself.
