Learn the power games that they play and play them better.
- Stop being reactive to their actions as if they never existed. When they talk to you, do not reply or do so with dismissal. Look and talk over them as if they were an ant in your way. Whenever they try to get a rise out of you, do what you’d do if a baby tugged on your hair. Smile playfully, and walk away. Few people can stand the insult of not being recognized.
- Never respond emotionally. In any conflict, the first person to respond with emotion is the lower status victim. Treat every abuse as a business transaction. Speak calmly, do not stutter, do not use too many words with them. Let them be emotional and look like fools.
- When they attack in a serious manner, respond casually. When they attack you in a casual manner, respond seriously. This way you assume your frame on the situation instead of letting them push your into their frame.
Example 1:
“Hey Bar! Nice shirt! Do they have those for men too?” <casual
“Yo Mike you are being very weird. Don’t comment on my clothing any more. I get the creeps from you too much lately.” <serious
Example 2
“You are an idiot Bar! How could you screw this one up so much? Jesus you suck!” <serious
“*chuckle* Take it easy buddy no need to get that emotional. Lets keep it professional.” > casual - Remove them from your life. Some people are toxic poison. They are barren land that cant ever become fertile and green. The only way to deal with them is to remove them from your life as soon as possible, for you will never drive one ounce of value or positivity from them.
Oh and in case it wasn’t obvious, never ask, beg, or demand respect from them. Respect is earned, not demanded. To ask or demand for respect is a low power move. You need to act and talk in a way that people will naturally assume they must approach you with respect if they are ever to get a reply from you.
If you want to be treated with respect, you need to adopt the kind of behavior that makes it unwise to disrespect you. Start playing the game of power before the game of power plays you.
