This is not only easy to answer, though it is extremely common. In fact, to some extent, we all feel this way.
WARNING: the complexity of this model that I am going to present requires a lot of explanation. Though I try to keep it short, concision is not my strong suit. Please try to read it all.
From the beginning….
You were presented with an immutable power when you joined this life. Somehow, you understand that is the thing that gives you life and by that account alone, it is the most valuable thing in existence. Somehow you also realize that all joy and happiness comes from that power within you. It’s not until much later that you learn the word for it: “Love”.
So think for a second how you must feel to know that you possess the most valuable thing in existence. I mean, the fact that it is valuable makes people want it and therefore, just having love inside you opens you up to risk or so you can assume. You decide that others might want to take your valuable prize from you. So what should you do? Logic says, hide it from others, or protect it somehow. Immediately, you build layers of protection around your love. At first, you drape a proverbial blanket over it so nobody sees it directly. Before long, however, you have built walls of metal, barriers with barbed-wire, laser control systems to vaporize any threats. These are all figurative in nature, but they each represent a different mechanism you employ to protect the most valuable thing in existence.
There are so many ways that we actively try to hide and to deflect attention from our love. One of the most effective ways we learn early on is that if I can convince someone that I am not worthy of love, they won’t give me a second thought. Nobody will to steal my love if I’m not worthy of having any, right? And what if I make my love look beat up and damaged…nobody will want it, will they?
This is a profoundly effective mechanism for protecting the love that you have. Unfortunately, the most effecient way to convince others of this lie is if you begin to believe it yourself. By the time you get to this point in youyr life, your love is buried under so much stuff and you have created so many really brilliant ways to protect it or hide it that you forgot the warmth, the joy, and the comfort that it brought you. This helps the narrative that you are not worthy of love: you haven’t seen love in a long while.
This belief and all the supporting ideas are layers of protection you have carefully crafted to protect youself. So don’t beat yourself up for being a fierce protector of love. It is to be commernded and it has undoubtedly served you well at some point, otherwise you wouldn’t still have these layers around.
Now, I am here to give you some information that will hopefully let you discard that layer of protection and move forward with all the love you could ever experience in your life.
The thing you need to know about love is that there is no “Kinda” love or a “little love” or even “lots of love”. Think of love as a theoretical maximum. Kind of like infinity is supposed be…it’s the greatest, most powerful, most life-affirming thing in existence and you are it’s custodian while you live.
Because love is a maximum value, the absolute top of any scale, etc. it can never be diminshed. Infinity – 1000 is surprising still Infinity. Love can’t be subtracted or divided it is always the same strength and it is always yours so long as you live.
So if it’s so great and powerful, why do we horde it? Why do we try so desperately to protect it? Because we don’t have a choice. Part of being human is the desire to live and believe it or not love. You can’t escape your human nature, but you can overcome some of the built-in limitations that serve to hurt you more than benefit you.
How this applies is simple: Infinite and Powerful Love, the energy that gives you life, is deep inside of you at your core. You spend your life limiting it’s exposure and protecting it. Whenever you experience pain, you quickly build new layers to rule out the possiblity that you will experience that pain again. This is all very healthy. But what if you didn’t have to block your love from anyone? As a matter of fact, if love is infinite, you could pretty much love everything all the time. That’s true if you weren’t human.
So the middle ground is this: determine in your life when you feel yourself intentionally applying distance between you and someone else, stop yourself and think consciously: does this benefit me in the long run? Is this something that I need to do right now for self-preservation or is this just part of my habit of closing myself off and thinking that I am protecting my love. If you find that you are not in a situation where you are in jeopardy, perhaps you can dig deep and figure out the most loving, self-less thing you can do in a situation and watch what happens.
When you strip back these layers, your love shines from deep inside of you. Suddenly, the craziest shit happens: literally you get the best parking spaces. People walking down the street will smile at you for no reason. All of this is because what you put out in the world comes back to you. When you express your love in everything you do, honestly it radiates back at you.
So if you feel unlovable or unworthy of love, thank your brilliant and powerful mind for taking care of you. Remind yourself that these tools have helped you get to where you are today and you are grateful. Then relax your mind a little and let that tool go. You can always bring it back if you need to, but for now, just quit lying to youself to protect your love. And as you do this, start looking, actively looking, for places that you tradiitonally do things that reinforce your “i’m not worthy of love” story. Each time you find one, be grateful for it and release it in to the world. Practice love and know that you will never run out of love and you can never damage the love you have.
Watch as the world begins to love you back.
