I “opened up” one time. Never again. Let me tell you my story:
I met this girl, let’s call her Jane. We were introduced by a common friend. It was attraction at first sight. In a few weeks Jane and I had a casual relationship, and we also had the habit of having lunch together in our company with our common friends. No worries, completely different areas, it was a big place.
And boy, was I happy these days. Not only I was going out with Jane, but we also had great fun together. We had a rule: no dating at workplace. I got to step out of my cubicle, have lunch in a big, funny group, and at weekends, I got to go out with Jane at pubs, music shows, whatever we felt like doing. For one month or so, I worked everyday with a smile, looking forward to these things.
One day, I asked Jane out to a tribute band she liked. She told me she had to go to her parents’ city. You know, family stuff, she hadn’t been there in a while. I said “Ok”, and waited. Next week, I came up with an even cooler idea. She already had a thing with her friends, but next week she would be free. And boy, she knew how to convince me she REALLY wanted to go out with me, but it was just this teeny tiny little thing…
And it just happened she and our friends started having lunch in another place. “The food is better, more home-made”, they said. And never invited me, or told where it was.
For two weeks of this “arrangement” (and more failed attempts asking Jane out), I was feeling lonely, confused and disappointed. I could barely sleep for a week. If Jane had come up and said: “Sorry, but I don’t feel the hots for you anymore”, I could have replied with “Ok, no problem, can we still hang out with everyone?” But she never said a thing about being unhappy.
I ran hundreds of hypothetical scenarios in my mind. “What if I tried to… ?”. But nothing ever worked. After these weeks, I had realized Jane had no feelings for me anymore and, quite frankly, I didn’t care anymore now. I desired their friendship and acceptance now more than I desired Jane romantically. I could go out and meet another girl, but I had no energy to put a smile and do that.
One day, it was around midnight. I couldn’t sleep. I needed to talk about this to someone who could understand the situation. I saw our common friend Lisa online. Lisa was very good-natured and married, so it seemed a neutral ground for me. So I opened up to Lisa. I told her every bit about how I was feeling sad and confused. About how I understood Jane’s decision, but would still like to keep seeing them anyway. No hard feelings from my part (which was already a stretch). Lisa told me some soothing words and I went to sleep, feeling a little better.
What do you think it happened next?
Did Lisa work it out with the rest of the group? Well… Jane simply removed me from Facebook and Whatsapp. And the rest simply remained as it was: they remained together, while I was left alone.
Maybe I should have confronted Jane about this, but I was already too disappointed. Too hurt. Too tired.
What did they talk between them? Of course, Lisa told Jane about it, but what was the tone she used, if later they laughed at me… I will never know. They pretended nothing changed at all.
Nobody ever asked me: “How are you?”, or “How is it going?” or even “Hey, wanna have a beer?”
So, to sum things up: by opening up, I gained absolutely no sympathy and I was treated like a chump. If I regret something, it was about trusting other people to have my back. And opening up to Lisa.
