Someone once told me, it’s important to stay true to yourself first and so I’m writing this.
I have loved a man with all my heart, I have been with him in times when no else was and so was he.
I have seen him at his best and his worst and I know what it’s like to give someone every bit of your heart.
But, one day, I couldn’t give anymore. And no, he was not wrong anywhere, at least not completely.
His way of loving was different and my understanding of it was growing weaker with passing days.
I could’ve tried more, I could have stayed but I didn’t. I didn’t have the courage to try any further and when I left him, I left that courage with me, too.
My heart is a cold place now, for him or for anyone else as well. Feelings visit, people stay a while but then leave.
Whoever has, has said it wrong “If it’s not forever, it’s not love” because I know for sure that something like that can’t be termed anything else but love and I also know that those feelings have long left the walls of my heart, now.
But, one thing I coudn’t teach myself in span of an entire year, is the act of forgiving myself. One thing that I can’t stop blaming myself for, is ruining a story that could’ve lasted if my love would have been a little stronger.
But perhaps life will teach me it’s lesson. It has taken from me the ability to understand what’s love, already and eventually might take from me the ability to love, completely.
Till then, I find peace in loving for little while those people, who will be gone, who won’t love me in return. Till then, I’ll keep dreaming of falling in love again because I don’t know how not to.
Then again, whose fault will it be if my dream never comes true? I left it all myself. After all, who is a cold heart supposed to blame when it’s responsible for breaking another!
